Interesting reading (and watching): 4 to 10 May 2015

I cannot leave the internet alone, as in, it has so many interesting stories about interesting people, scientific discoveries and concepts, news, places and... everything! You cannot possibly get ahead, but it is so very interesting to read as much as you can (within the constraints of work and life, of course). So these are my favourite stories from last week. I think the rest of the world should also take note of them.

Depression is a ((an) up-and-down) constant in my life. Although I have never contemplated taking my own life, many people with depression and personality disorders do indeed. I’ve come across this interesting article by Tim Ferriss, an author whose work I don’t know (it happens...). He gave some practical thoughts on suicide on Quartz:

Tim Ferriss: Practical thoughts on suicide

Dance (especially ballet) is one of my passions. I’ve seen this video before and it took my breath away – I cannot believe people can do this. This weekend, my cousin tagged me again on this one by the Chinese State Circus. It is beautiful and impossible:

Education is a crucial matter worldwide, and although research has time and again proven that the rigid education systems used by the majority of countries are not effective, policy-makers doggedly stick to them. In my Facebook feed, TED made me aware of this link, and I watched Ken Robinson’s talk, which was eye-opening and mind-blowing. The link after the talk focuses on ten ways creativity can be taught. Today we need highly creative people (and not people trained by rote learning) to solve our complex global problems.

The talk:

The tips:

Ken Robinson: Creativity in the classroom

And then there is this time-lapse video of two photographers shooting the milky way. It’s magic!

Photographers shoot stars

I hope something inspires you!

Anni.J

Taking toddlers to the vet

Sometimes I wish it could actually be the way this sounds, but no, we took the new doggies to the vet and the toddlers joined the adventure “to see what a vet looks like”. It’s an important, educational thing to do when you are four years old and have never seen a vet before in your entire life. The two-year-old wanted to stay home and watch the Lollos DVD for the millionth time, but when the puppies got in the car she was sold on going wherever they were going.

So, the four of us plus two pups got in the car and out at the vet at almost 18:00 in the evening. At the vet, the puppies first had to be weighed. Daddy carried the box with them in it and the rest of us trailed behind... every single one of us. No one has ever seen how dogs are weighed, and some of us who have seen it last night won’t remember anyway... Then we went back to the waiting room... to wait for the vet. And have old ladies check out our puppies. I have vast experience in old ladies and ooms checking out your babies, but I had no idea it happens to pups as well. And then we had to smile and say how cute her doggy was...

This is the moment a few things got a bit out of hand. We’ve done the small talk, now we just had to sit and wait. Toddlers are not particularly gifted when it comes to sitting and waiting. Any mom could tell you that. So the monster two-year-old starts investigating everything there is to look at and touch. Goes and stands next to people who choose dog food – as if she’s part of the conversation and helping them make a decision...  I call her back (people in shops and other public places usually say goodbye to my child and call her by her name when we leave). On her way to us, she makes some kind of weird move (still unstable on her feet) and falls down, banging her head on the floor. Groot skree. Ten hemele. We are the centre of attention. Yay. All this while the puppies try to get out of the box, not sure they like the environment.

A lady runs over with two Spur sweets. The four-year-old opens hers and pops it in her mouth. Two minutes later she tells me she doesn’t like it and doesn’t want it any more. I say you can’t spit it out here. She knows not to take the matter any further. The two-year-old holds the sweet under my nose until I open it. Of course it falls on the floor just after she put it in her mouth and of course she picks it up and puts in her mouth again. Three-second rule. Then Charlie gets out of the box and runs – straight towards the vet’s rooms actually. Mommy scrambles and returns him to the box.  

At last the vet calls us. And he’s… stoic. Even daddy the IT guy says he has the personality of a rock when we come home. So much for the four-year-old’s first encounter with the vet. And she was so excited!

Stick to the speed limit

There is more to life than increasing its speed.

Gandhi

I have declared 2012 as my year of slowing down. I don’t know for how much longer the human race will be able to go faster and faster every day. I’ve reached my limit, and I’m turning around. It’s not easy – almost nothing worthwhile ever is – but we have to stop somewhere!

Have you ever felt so wrapped up in everything that is happening around you that you could not tell which day of the week it was? Then you should perhaps read on.

The funny thing about this superfast mad joyride that we’re on is that it isn’t fun any more. No one said life will be easy or you’ll ever find complete happiness, but pretty much all the fun is gone. We are killing ourselves trying to make humanly impossible deadlines. All of us are driving like maniacs because we left late (we had too much to do) but we can’t be late for the next big thing where we have to be. We think we are irreplaceable and “who would BE ABLE do it if I don’t?”. Even the fun things we look forward to doing turn out to be just another chore and something that has to be completed in a hurry.

Facebook, smartphones and the digital gadgets are not helping. Most people can be reached anywhere at any time of the day. As I sit here and write this on a Sunday night, my not-so-little Android smartphone is right next to me, because… maybe a friend needs me, maybe… nobody will need me and I can actually spend some time alone without external input (of a digital kind). They should have therapy groups for Facebook and smartphone addiction, I think. It’s ugly.

I’ve received the message to slow down in various forms and ways over the last few years, and at last I’m heeding. This doesn’t mean I’ll work less or do less, but it’s about getting priorities straight and making some time for God, myself and the people who are important to me. These two aspects of life will be my focus for the year – you have to chew an elephant bit by bit!

By the way, in addition to slowing down my life, I am committing myself to physically drive according to the speed limit from now on. It’s a well-known fact that our inner world affects our external lives, and the inverse is also true.

We are responsible for giving meaning to our own lives. How would anyone be able to do that when that person is swept away by the chaos that is our world today? It is, after all, every person’s own choice to decide how full his or her programme should be.

If you agree with me, or at least are thinking about this slowing down thing, you can find a number of interesting and informative articles on www.psychologytoday.com. You can start of with this article on feeling guilty and making time for yourself, and this one, which offers six reasons why you should spend time alone. They are targeted at women, but most of us share duties these days and are feeling equally overwhelmed by trying to get to every little thing.

Enough talking… writing. I’m off to go and smell some daisies! You should be doing it too!

Die lekkerste nagereg in die wêreld

Dis amper eenuur. Die nag, of die oggend. Die man snork so hard daar is geen kans dat hy nie wakker word daarvan nie; nogtans draai hy nie op sy sy nie. Ek is nie seker of ons dalk op minder goeie voet gaan slaap het nie, maar ek vermoed als is nie pluis nie (hy het hier 23:30 kom melk aanmaak vir die baba en was nie vriendelik toe ek kom vra het wat maak hy nie – ek het vanaand, gisteraand, vergeet daarvan). Ek wil nie vet op die moontlike vuur gooi nie, so ek kom sit maar en skryf, want die woorde draai in elk geval in my kop. 

Ons het die skoonfamilie vir Nuwejaar oorgenooi, met die idee dat ons sommer die vierjarige se partytjiekoek vir nagereg sal eet, maar toe word ek lus vir trifle en onthou die skoonsus in Kimberley het ’n resep. Dis Nataniël se Swartwoud-trifle wat sy ’n paar jaar gelede uit ’n Sarie geskeur en sommer gemaak het. Dié skoonsus het redelik vinnig naam gemaak in die stad met haar gebak, so jy kan maar ’n reseppie gebruik as sy hom aanbeveel. En met Nataniël kan jy ook nie sommer ’n fout maak nie – eendag skryf ek dalk net ’n ode aan die man.  

Hierdie trifle – met my eie klein aanpassing – het almal wat dit geproe het, se smaakknoppies laat lofliedere sing en die resep MOES net aangestuur word. En dis wat ek nou doen…

Nataniël noem dit die Swartwoud-trifle omdat hy geblikte swartkersies gebruik, maar die bessies op die winkelrakke (goed dan, Woolies se rakke, liefie, en dit was ongelooflik duur, maar dit was ook ongelooflik lekker!) het gesmeek om asseblief net op een of ander manier gebruik te word!

Toe knyp ek my oë toe en koop bloubessies, aarbeie, moerbeie en frambose en kry die resep. 

 

Saam met die bessies of kersies het jy die volgende baie dekadente bestanddele nodig:

12 sjokolademuffins
Brandewyn (moet nou net nie skaam wees daarmee nie)
500 g roomkaas
2 blikke kondensmelk
Sap van 1 suurlemoen
500 ml room
Sjokoladeballetjies (Whispers of Woolies s’n met die shortbread in)
Versiersuiker en kruisementblare vir versiering (maar ek het nie eers daarby uitgekom nie)

Voor jy begin, kan jy die roomkaas, kondensmelk en suurlemoensap meng. Kry ’n lekker groot, diep, mooi glasbak en begin. Sny die sjokolademuffins in die helfte en pak die eerste laag daarmee. Gooi brandewyn oor. Moenie die fout maak wat ek gemaak het en bang wees die brandewyn oordonder die ding nie – gooi goed. Dan kom daar ’n laag van die roomkaasmengsel en dan ’n laag bessies of kersies. Nou herhaal jy die lae. Klop die room styf en sit dit bo-oor, en heel bo-op kom die sjokoladeballetjies. Gebruik die hele pakkie, behalwe vir die een wat jy proe! Sif versiersuiker oor en druk kruisementblaartjies in om dit te laat mooi lyk as jy tyd en energie het. Die skoonsus sê dis die beste dat dié nommer oornag in die yskas staan dat al die bestanddele lekker kan bymekaarkom. 

Dit sal die beste nagereg wees wat jy in jou lewe eet.

Die resep is nogal op 'n paar plekke op die internet beskikbaar, so dis nie ’n staatsgeheim nie. Dit is in die Sarie van Desember 2006 gepubliseer so ver ek weet. Die skoonsus is seker dis Nataniël s’n, maar die internetblaaie laat my twyfel. Wie s’n dit ook al is, Nataniël bly een van my helde en Barbara Joubert, redakteur van Sarie Kos, se resepte is ook treffers.

A note to daddies-to-be

How do I even begin this? The birth of a child changes your life. Immediately and irrevocably. You (meaning your wife, because why would any man read up on the topic?) can prepare for it all you want and read every book on birth and childcare you can possibly find, but you will never know the full extent of those few words in the top lines until you hold a helpless little human being in your arms.

And even then… It’s only when you leave the hospital when the real fun starts. When your wife and the newborn are still in hospital, you think it’s not as bad as anyone said and you’ll be able to handle it. And those will be your famous last thoughts.

Pretty soon your wife’s mommy hormones will be firing on full capacity, and you, daddy, may and probably will be in the dog box pretty much all the time. So I thought perhaps I can give a few pointers to new daddies on what to expect and how to handle mom, the baby and this entire new way of life.

• A lot of men feel excluded at this early stage of their child’s life. Well yes, mommy hormones are strong drugs and it may be true that your wife is paying more attention to your new child than you. That is the way it works, but you don’t have to be an outsider. It is up to you to become involved and be a part of the new family. You can hold and love your baby. You can look after him and give your wife some time to sleep or take a bath lasting longer than ten seconds. If the baby is bottle-fed, you can take turns to feed him. And yes, you CAN change nappies. It seems trivial, but in the first few weeks bonding does also take place during these tasks. It’s also not that bad to get poo on your hands. Standard soap will wash it off. Unbelievable, but true!

• It’s a good idea to go with your wife to the pharmacy and baby shop at least once BEFORE she goes to hospital for the delivery. You will be required to buy medicine, pads, breast pads and baby necessities (you hadn’t anticipated would run out so soon) even when mom is still in hospital. And boy, heaven helps the man who dare turn up with the wrong brand. Or size. Or item. Make sure you know what babies need and what your wife may need and where to find it. If you know you’re bound to muck it up, get detailed information from mommy about what she wants.

• Please handle your family. If you know your wife and your mother do not see eye to eye, you should be the person inviting your family or telling them that now is not a good time for a visit. If your wife wants your mother to be more involved, you are the one who should tell your mother what to do.

• Do bring your wife something nice in hospital. See to it that she has enough snacks. And buy her a little gift. It only has to be a little one!

• You probably will have to learn how to cook some basic dishes – also preferably BEFORE baby is due. Or you’ll have to be able to buy takeout or instant meals every other night, if not every night. On this point, it’s wise to phone your wife before you leave the office to check what you can bring home. Have the numbers of all the takeout restaurants close to you handy, and don’t forget about frozen home-cooked meals you can buy. If all else fails, there’s always Woolies. This sort of opens up the next issue.

• You will never, never ever again be able to come home and just put yourself down on the couch in front of the TV until dinner (or whenever, because dinner is not served in households with newborns). Major infringement. Any time from about 17:00 onwards is suicide watch in homes with babies (and little children). It’s that notorious time of day when colicky babies have their prime colicky time of the day. You may have to walk up and down with a screaming infant for three hours in the early evening. Prepare yourself.

• Oh, and why would you be walking up and down with the infant? Because your wife had the baby for the whole day and he slept only an hour. And she had to feed him every two hours. She is exhausted beyond belief. You will never know how much energy breastfeeding requires. It’s astonishing.

• If possible at all, it’s a good idea to be close by when your wife breastfeeds. On the one hand, you can bring her some water or tea when she gets thirsty, and on the other hand, she could use your company. Yes, you may be in trouble all the time, but she still loves you and she needs some adult conversation to keep her semi-sane.

• Back to suicide watch. In a best-case scenario, you will be required to help bath, dress or feed the baby during this time of day. It will count for you if you offer to do something. At least it shows that you’re interested. Remember that this is major baby bonding time. Really.

• That brings me to sex. What sex? Maybe next year if you’re lucky. (That was my husband interrupting… but it’s worth taking note: you probably won’t have sex for SOME TIME. Live with it.)

• The next rule (yes, RULE) is important. Remember not to give your advice too freely. In fact, it would be good if you could keep it to yourself. Your wife knows you are the daddy, and that you only mean well, but as a mother, she knows best. If baby has a screaming session in the middle of the night and nothing works AND you suggest that baby is hungry… you’ll be lucky if you only end up sleeping on the couch.

• And while I mentioned the middle of the night, I might just as well add what you think you already know. You won’t be getting much sleep for the first few months. OK, that’s an understatement. Prepare yourself for waking up at night every three hours to start with. If you’re lucky and you have one of those one in a million textbook babies who do sleep the way they should, you should thank God every day. And we don’t want to know about it.

No one knows how immediately and drastically babies change people’s lives until they have experienced it. It does put a lot of stress on both partners and because of sleep deprivation and every individual’s attempt to cope with it, partners do end up not talking to each other and being depressed – yes, men can get depressed too! Try to keep talking to each other and speak about your true feelings. Dads can be an integral part of their children’s lives and they should be. No experience in the world will wear you out more, but nothing will be as rewarding as a special relationship with your child.

If you can add anything a new daddy should know, add a comment.

'n Verjaarsdag en 'n prekie

Kinders laat ons dinge doen. Hulle sorg dat ons nie net toeskouers in die lewe bly nie, maar by baie en interessante dinge betrokke raak. Hulle dwing ons om uit 'n ander hoek na die lewe te kyk. Uit hulle perspektief. En meestal leer ons grootmense daaruit - meer as wat ons dink!

Wie sou ooit kon dink ek sou my hand aan so 'n koek waag? Nee, dit gaan geen prys wen nie, maar vir my en my dogtertjie was dit een awesome koek!

To tell or not to tell

We are pregnant. Again. After a disappointing, but not devastating, miscarriage at ten weeks last year.

Our eight-week visit with the previous pregnancy to the gynaecologist was extremely disappointing – it felt like we could see much less of this new baby than we did with our first-born’s scan. That is also when he told us that perhaps we don’t want to tell everybody about the pregnancy yet... was that his standard speech or did he notice something we didn’t?

At that stage I told him that it was too late – I had already told EVERYBODY and to me it made sense: if anything would go wrong, I would have a support system and not be sorry for myself all on my own.

Two weeks later that theory was tested. I have to say it worked – for me. I SMSed or called all my family and friends to let them know I had a miscarriage. Nobody thought less of me. My parents were a bit shocked, because there have not been miscarriages in our family, but they were supportive and helped us with everything we needed, like any other good parents.

Interestingly, few other people were completely shocked – most of them had miscarriages before or knew at least one other person who did. It’s just something nobody talks about. It sure doesn’t make a good dinner conversation topic! But it’s something that do happen, to a lot of people. According to www.babycentre.co.uk, 15% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. And it doesn’t seem that doctors get too excited about even two miscarriages in a row – they’ll only get worried if there is a third one, depending on the circumstances, of course.

Obviously not everyone deals with miscarriage in the same way. I’m sure that if it was my first baby, I would have had a lot more issues to work through afterwards. What also helped me to cope quite well was that I read up on the topic, and it seems that there is nothing an expectant mother can do to prevent a miscarriage. You can put your feet up and rest, but apparently that will not prevent it.

If you have a healthy lifestyle during pregnancy, you can probably not cause a miscarriage – it seems that babies who are abnormal in some way tend to miscarry. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. I think it’s easier on us humans if Mother Nature sorts out problems like these in her own way, rather than us being confronted with a difficult decision later on when we do find out that there is something wrong with the baby.

So, do we tell everyone now again? At seven weeks? Obviously! Apparently other people can keep news like this to themselves, but I’m not other people. It has to get out! Yes, we also want to know whether we’ll have a boy or a girl as soon as possible!